“Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.”
-Oscar Wilde

Talked to Youfeng over the phone today. He appeared to be as excited about my trip as I am. Well, he better be happy about it, since he has been bugging me to visit him in China for almost 6 years now. Every time I chat with him over the phone or AIM, he always starts the conversation with the same canned opener: "So, when are you coming to China?" It is so bad that it became a scripted process in his mind, and he has no control over it anymore. During this last phone conversation, he slipped and asked me again when I was going to visit him in China. Interestingly enough, I had been telling him for weeks that I had the flight booked and had even sent him my flight schedule via email a few weeks later. As much as I like him, I cannot help but wonder how his wife and future kids will be able to put up with such an obsessive fellow (Youfeng, if you are reading this, please disregard, this blog is for Western Audiences only).

Youfeng and I go back almost 10 years now. We meet at school in Louisiana back in late 1996, early 1997. We were both financially and emotionally broken back then, so it is easy to why two poor, broken hearted outsiders would have bounded so quickly. Youfeng and I had just been unceremoniously dumped by our respective fiancées (which we truly believed were our soul mates at the time). We were both children of high level bureaucrats on our respective home countries and we had both come to the USA seeking to start over and to leave all of our family troubles and romantic failures behind. But our common ground was not based only on disgrace. We were both well read, curious about the world and different cultures around us and we shared a very similar kind of sarcastic/dry humor. In other words, we could laugh at each other’s jokes, the same jokes that pretty much no one else would get. And I can’t forget to mention that we were both fanatic talkers about world history and geo-politics. During weekends, while many of our friends would be getting wasted, enjoying dorm orgies or simply watching TV, Youfeng and I would spend the whole night discussing who the worse dictator was: Mao, Stalin or Hitler. Sometimes the debates would get very heated. We would throw statistics at each other, quote different book sources and so on, each one trying to prove that his picked dictator was a worse human being than the dictator picked by the opponent. I was like an informal version of “VH1 Behind the Music” for mass murderer Dictators. Yeah, I know what many of you might be thinking: “You dumbass, you should have gone to the orgies instead of arguing about some deceased, historically relevant, psychotic old men!” Well, looking back now, with the wisdom of the years behind me, I have to agree, I should have gone to the orgies. Maybe, if I had gone to those events instead of chatting politics with Youfeng, I would probably had achieved first hand experience on an event that has so far eluded me (despite of all my efforts), a three some between me and two other chicks (before you ask, no, the idea of two guys and a girl DOES NOT appeal to me). However, back then, I was certain that college life would last forever, that there would be plenty of time to attend all the dorm parties and eventually, if I played my cards right, experience a six some (me and FIVE chicks at once, because I aim high). So, I took my time, discussed world politics, George Orwell’s novels and how well they reflect the life in communist China, and played our home grown version of “VH1 Behind The Music” for genocidal world leaders.

Youfeng and I would also travel together many times around our area of the South, exploring Texas and Mississippi any time we could. Now, there is nothing more interesting than having a chain smoking “chink” and a slightly delusional “spick” riding together across the rural roads of Louisiana and Mississippi, visiting towns and villages that have probably not changed that much over the past 50 or so years. I can only imagine the kind of sight we must have been to some of the older folks “down the bayou”.

One thing that always impressed my about Youfeng is how easily he falls for different girls. He must have had about a dozen crushes on the four years we spend together in Louisiana. I specially recall the crush he had on a Japanese bimbo that went to the same school as us. For some unexplained reason, the Japanese girl was taking some private informal Bible classes with the campus catholic priest. Youfeng, clever as he is, thought it would be a great idea to ask to join the group and learn more about the “gospels”. The priest, eager for fresh converts, promptly accepted. Youfeng and the Japanese bimbo were now doing their private Sunday school together. The thing is, Youfang is the son of high level Chinese diplomats. His father is an important member of the Chinese Communist party. Therefore Youfeng was raised under the strick communist education system that thought Marxist dialectical materialism, Maoism, class struggle and that religion was the “Opium for the Masses”. So you have this young atheist communist man having bible study classes by a Southern catholic preacher, so that he can sit right next to a young, scantly clad and very good looking Japanese bimbo and stare at her goodies while listening about the Trinity. While the preacher would talk about the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, the only Trinity that Youfang had in mind at the time was the girl’s boobs, crotch and ass.

Unfortunately for my friend, the girl noticed his desire for her, and used it only to take advantage of him. He eventually became her chauffer, driving her around to wherever she wished to go. He also became her tutor and even wrote a few school papers for her. No need to mention that despite all his efforts, she never put out for him(I don’t think he even got a kiss) although it is said that she ended up sleeping with most of the Korean guys at the school by the time the bible classes ended and Youfeng was ready to move on to this next crush. At any rate, he was a little bit luckier on his next endeavors, and by the time of graduation he a beautiful and very smart girlfriend (how he later managed to botch that one would require a separate blog by itself).

The last time I saw Youfeng in person was in New York City, back in 2000. I had finished school on the Spring and been working for this Internet company in NYC for a few months now. Youfang graduated a semester later and had come to New York to look for a job. He was staying on my place while sending this resume out like crazy to anyone and everyone who might have a job to offer. Unfortunately for his, it was right at the time when the tech bubble had busted. Unless you were from an Ivy League school (definitely not our case), there were no jobs for foreigners who needed sponsorships to be found anywhere. So Youfeng had to reluctantly return to China. But things turn out pretty well for him. He was able (via his Communist Party contacts) to get a very good job at a Chinese state owned oil company. He has been living in Beijing since and recently has acquired his own place in that very expensive city.

So, the time has come for me to finally go there and renew my friendship with Youfeng. Although he will not be able to travel with me across China, he will take some time off and visit a few selected places with me.

What adventures, strange events, intrigue and X-rated stuff awaits us during our travels in China? I am not sure yet, but stay tuned and take heed, for whatever happens, I will post it here.